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1. INTRODUCTION to our subject - Gloating & Claiming

Before we explore the word gloating, let's first look at the dictionary
definition:

'Contemplate one's own success or another's misfortune with smugness and
malignant pleasure.'

During the action of gloating we acquire a tunnel vision and do not
appreciate anything outside our vision. We become so obsessed with our own
smugness we temporary lose track of where we are going and what we are
doing.

Here is an illustration given by a college student...

"I can't stand when people celebrate and show off their success, yet show no
pride when they've failed at something. I believe that if you're going to
tell everybody when you've done something you're proud of, you should be
obliged to tell them when you've done something that you don't think is so
great.

The most preferable thing to do would be to realize that nobody cares what
you've done, because it probably doesn't affect them that much, and it
probably doesn't concern them either.

To cite a specific situation, a classmate of mine got an A (99/100) on our
recent calculus quiz. So what does he do? He instantly begins to inform
everybody around him. This would have been acceptable to me, if he had done
the same thing with his previous test grade (63/100). However, instead of
showing that grade to everyone, he instead had turned it over, covered it
(great way to hide something, make it suspicious), and refused to tell
anyone what he'd gotten. Eventually, another class mate attained it by
force, and reported it to others.

My quite annoying classmate has perfectly exhibited what I hate about pride.
I hate pride, because most of the time it's conditional (although I also
hate that it wastes my time). If people are proud, they should be proud of
their successes and failures, not just one or the other. If people are not
proud, then they aren't obliged to report anything. So why not be liberated
from obligation, and keep it to yourself? Don't GLOAT. Not to say that you
should go out of your way to hide things either. Shame is just about the
same. The only thing that's better about shame is that it doesn't waste my
time."

(Unknown Author)

When you gloat you become so self-indulged in the process that you cannot
see what others think of you, what others say about you and what others are
actively doing to get even.

What gloating does in effect is make you become so off track, you own self
importance becomes so dominant, that sooner rather than later, the tables of
fortune will turn and you'll become the victim.

In effect we actively make a CLAIM. We claim that we are right.

QUOTE: "He who claims he knows, knows nothing. He who claims nothing knows."

(Socrates)

Once you have read that quote, you may think, right I've understood that,
what's the big deal? Well, the big deal is that most of us get the chance to
witness one self, doing both of these regularly. I don't refer specifically
to academic conundrums, but practical day-to-day events.

Okay I am aware that this quote is not always true in an educational
situation, but about 80% of the time it is the attachment with that 'claim'
that can become a fault line in our character. It would appear that our ego
has a desire to speak too early.

Let me give you of the dictionary definition of 'claim,' it is:

'To state as being the case, without being able to give proof.'

If you are ever within a group of people, whether that be friends or work
colleagues, and an open question is made to everyone in the group, don't you
just know who is going to speak first, generally the one who is always full
of opinions!?

QUOTE: "They think too little who talk too much."

(Unknown Author).

So we can recognise the 'claiming we know' in other people, but can we
recognise it in one self?

I, perhaps unlike most, find it amusing to witness the mind in action. It is
both confusing and amazing.

Allow me to use a parallel example in an attempt to explain how the mind is
inclined to work. Have you ever witnessed an artist in action? They paint
what they see. In effect it goes in at the eyes and out through to the
paint-brush. Those that struggle with the perfection in art, let the image
they are painting go in through the eyes and then mistakenly allow it to go
through several processes in their mind before it gets to the paintbrush.
This allows the translation of seeing to have more of 'me' or 'I' involved.

'He who claims nothing, knows,' is doing so with a very special clarity of
mind.
Yet on the other hand, those who 'claim they know,' invariable do so with
20% of the knowledge required to speak on the subject.

To 'claim we know' is an action following a process of thought. Almost as if
our ego has taken control of both our patterns of thought and our mouth and
allowed to speak at will. In fact our ego goes to such an extent at times,
we may often wonder why we have allowed it to say so much!

To 'know' on the other hand, is a result of following the process of reason.

The dictionary definition:

THOUGHT & TO THINK: to have a particular opinion, belief, or idea about
someone or something.

TO REASON: the power of mind to think, understand and form judgements
logically.

The point being made here is that 'to reason' is bigger than 'thought.'
Thinking, again isn't always rooted in the truth, it is only an opinion. 'To
reason' however, is using judgements logically, which is to assess according
to a strict principle of validity.

QUOTE: "Many people think they are thinking when in actual fact they are
re-arranging their prejudices." (Unknown Author).

QUOTE: "Five percent of people choose to reason when resolving a problem,
twenty
percent go into deep thought, twenty five percent think they think, forty
percent try to think, ten percent would rather die thank think. But it is
the five percent that change the world." (Phil Booker, Philosopher of Life).

So it would appear that 'to think' is often used instead of 'to reason.' If
someone said, "I'm going to have a serious think about this." They may well
be just saying, "I'm going to get really opinionated about this subject."

Would you prefer to apply 'reason' that has a valid and logical basis to its
compilation, or just think and allow very little intellectual virtue to
exist?

Our society over-uses the words 'think' and 'thought' to such a degree it
has become habitual. So be especially cautious when you want a comment to
have some intellectual wealth, don't say that you've just had a thought!

I touched on the subject of 'ego' earlier which is a very big subject in
itself, but that little chattering at the back of your mind has a lot to
answer for. Having spoke to many people on the path to self-realisation,
their immediate answer to the 'ego' is to ask yourself the question, "Which
is the real you; you or your ego?"

Most people in CLAIMING THEY KNOW, do so when in actual fact they don't.

It is quite clear that the ego has an important role in enforcing this
claim. Those who have a good control over their own ego would find
themselves claiming nothing.

If we don't GLOAT and don't CLAIM we will SEE. Upon seeing our world is
understood.

And now onto this weeks story...

2. STORY

When you GLOAT you become narrow minded, you will not SEE the obvious. This
next illustration is a beautiful story with a moral. Those who are regularly
gloating will miss opportunities every day to learn a new moral. They become
so fixed on their own self importance they'll miss important lessons in
life, and here is one I don't want you to miss...

THE MOUNTAIN STORY

A son and his father were walking on the mountains.
Suddenly, his son falls, hurts himself and screams: "AAAhhhhhhhhhhh!!!"
To his surprise, he hears the voice repeating, somewhere in the mountain:
"AAAhhhhhhhhhhh!!!"
Curious, he yells: "Who are you?"
He receives the answer: "Who are you?"
Angered at the response, he screams: "Coward!"
He receives the answer: "Coward!"
He looks to his father and asks: "What's going on?"
The father smiles and says: "My son, pay attention."
And then he screams to the mountain: "I admire you!"
The voice answers: "I admire you!"
Again the man screams: "You are a champion!"
The voice answers: "You are a champion!"
The boy is surprised, but does not understand.
Then the father explains: "People call this ECHO, but really this is LIFE.
It gives you back everything you say or do.
Our life is simply a reflection of our actions.
If you want more love in the world, create more love in your heart.
If you want more competence in your team, improve your competence.
This relationship applies to everything, in all aspects of life;
Life will give you back everything you have given to it."

And the moral to this story...
YOUR LIFE IS NOT A COINCIDENCE. IT'S A REFLECTION OF YOU!

(Author Unknown)

3. EVERYDAY EXAMPLE

WHEN GLOATING COSTS MONEY AND TIME

"I can do it no problem," I said, when I had been handed the car keys and a
shopping list. The list had been given to me in strict aisle order, so how
difficult could this be!

"It should only take forty-five minutes," she said.

I'm not a regular supermarket shopper, but I had decided I was going to
enjoy this.

I walked into the supermarket whistling my favourite tune. I then had to
walk back outside to fetch a trolley.

I reached into my trouser pocket for the list. No! Surely I hadn't left it
on the kitchen worktop! Phew! It was in my coat in the car. I had to go back
outside to the car.

I walked back into the supermarket whistling. I can shop, I will shop, I can
do this!

"That looks nice!" I said to myself. But it isn't on the list. I suddenly
became quietly confident as I swayed along the aisle. "I've always wanted
one of those," I said, "What a healthy choice."

I had an almost full trolley and I'd only travelled down three aisles. I
could do with another trolley.

Why do they put bread so early in the supermarket? It could get squashed!
Perhaps as well I know what I'm doing. I was becoming so knowledgeable about
supermarkets I almost felt I needed to question the manager on his reasons
for placing food in this order.

I eventually arrived at the checkout. "Do you need some help bagging sir?"
asked the shop assistant. "No it's okay I should manage," I responded with
confidence.

Blip, blip, blip. Wow, that scanner was fast. Blip, blip, blip.

I must remember, bottles together, cans together, fresh food together, soft
squashy things together. Blip, blip, blip. That scanner is far too fast.

The lady shop assistant was looking at my inefficiency, with a knowing look.
An expression that almost said, "You should have had that help!"

My claim of 'I know how to shop!' came to a sudden stop. Blip, blip, blip,
the food continued to pile up. I leant forward, caught the lady shop
assistants attention and said, "I'm sorry, I'm only a man!"

(Phil Booker, Supermarket Shopper and Occasional Gloater)

4. RESPONDING TO YOUR QUESTIONS

QUESTION: Dear Phil:  People do not always pronounce words to be understood
and then again people pronounce words that are correct, but not perceived by
others in that way?!  Many arguments are started because of things like
this? Correct? - - I have this problem with my daughter.  She says things
one way, which may or may not be understood by me - her answer is that I
don't hear or -she gets frustrated, she cannot see how words can sound the
same, but are different!

ANSWER: As for your daughter, all children are the same, they respond to
authority. We bought two school anoraks for my own children, they were black
with an band of grey fluffy material on the hood.

They both looked at them and said ooh no! "But we bought them from Ross's
Cabin," I said.

To you that may mean nothing, but it is like 'Nike' or 'Wrangler', the cabin
is a shrine to children. That made these anoraks now fine to wear.

Another example of authority happened only recently. My youngest daughter
yesterday wanted to type something on the computer. I suggested she got a
book from the book case and type something from that. She went to choose a
book and came back with the Bible. This occupied her for a good while. Any
other book wouldn't have captured her attention.

One final example of authority, the simple plaster... The item that covers
ever cut that a child has. They fall down and look intently for the blood.
They'll wimper, but tears won't form until they see blood. The one single
authority that rectifies their anguish, the plaster... Go to any child in
the modern world who has fallen down and offer them a plaster, it will
appear as if you've been sent from heaven.

When attempting to clarify a point with children, don't assume they will
understand your description. Try and read it from a valuable source. This is
the authority they'll understand.

5. PHILOSOPHICAL QUOTES

"Change is inevitable. In a progressive country change is constant."
(Benjamin Disraeli).

"No great improvements in the lot of mankind are possible, until a great
change takes place in the fundamental constitution of their modes of
thought." (John Stuart Mill).

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the
courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to distinguish the one
from the other." (Reinhold Niebuhr).

Next week we look at the subject 'To Recover From Failure'.

PS: "True contentment depends not on what we have; a tub was large enough
for Diogenes, but a world was too little for Alexander." (Charles Caleb
Colton).
======================================================
Phil Booker
Editor, Author, Businessman and Philosopher of Life.
Providing you with the Weekly Newsletter - WISDOM 4U

 

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